50+ Lifestyles

Max’s Musings

By Max Molleston

Here we are maybe now in the middle of our summer. Where is the fun? Time for some behavior impossible in the depth of a chill, that restrictive time period called winter. We loosen the reins on activities. Summer for the youngsters can be very busy, and mostly because it provides “daycare” with some guidance. Little time for the kids to think about what they might do in a week or so, with the schedule on the “fridge,” tight with action.

Friendships get thawed, too, as the constraints of daily classes for the youngsters are gone, visits to relatives or visits to our homes happen, mostly as family and extended family action. Maybe a slumber party or sleepover is thrown in. Friendship starts by building on common experience tied in with schools, summer sports for all ages, picnic gatherings of all kinds, and church activities.

One of the newer avenues in forming friendships is support groups, which may offer some shorter-term bonding from similar challenges, mostly life-changing medical experiences.

Fresh experiences on old ground could include visits to the country fairs, now in full bloom, making way for the end-of-summer State Fairs. All these are adventures and mostly under some control. Local fairs are less expensive than the State Fairs, but less extravagant, too. Friendships may not now be as open as they once were. Time and distance change who we see as often as we once did. And, there may be other reasons to change friends over time.

Emily Dickinson, America’s famed female poet, penned these thoughts some time in the 1800s.

Are Friends Delight or Pain?

Are friends delight or pain?
Could bounty but remain
riches are good –

But if they only stay
ampler to fly away
riches are sad.

She has bound up those six lines tightly. I don’t know. Fair weather friendships? That is why Miss Dickinson is hard won for me, using pretty obscure choices of expression in her English usage. I spent my professional life as a “straight-ahead” journalist, explaining things in as clear terms as I could use.

Another notion on friendship from poet Stevie Smith, a twentieth-century writer.

The Pleasures of Friendship

The pleasures of friendship are exquisite,
How pleasant to go to a friend on a visit!
I go to my friend, we walk on the grass
And the hours and moments like minutes, pass.

From the 17th century, a Chinese reflection which seems remote in the first instance, then much closer to a pleasant reality as it closes.

Sitting at Night

A quiet valley with no man’s footprints,
An empty garden lit by the moon.
Suddenly my dog barks and I know
A friend with a bottle is knocking at the gate.

A good friend can arrive with a bottle to share, and emotions might be much the same with cookies, sandwiches, or morning coffee. The friend is the treasure, the booty brought lubricates the friendship. More recently that friendship is shared in the atmosphere of a coffee house/restaurant. No one has to straighten the house to host a friend, if the meeting is held elsewhere. Friends are found, or we find each other at lots of typical and lasting locations. Church is one, charities, too, more often called non-profit organizations now, plus groups for kids to be lead by adults like Scouting. We join as volunteers.

How can we leave our pets? Now, more than ever, an adult thing, with the kids enjoying some of the exposure of the friendship, as in “suddenly my dog barks and I know” from the Chinese verse we have offered. We could bring up poems for our pets; I think my home library has a volume, however you can compose yours for the pets you support with food and play and aptly love, or more aptly in today’s column, just a good friendship. At any rate, find a friend in a group you are familiar with: a person you’ve admired but not yet met. I expect some rewarding results from this summer search! Please join me for our August meeting on these pages.