50+ Lifestyles

Confessions of a Soda Pop

By Robert J. Scranton, D.C.
Fibromyalgia Centers of America

Hello. I am a humble, effervescent liquid. Humble? Well, that is debatable. Actually I am quite proud of myself. Allow me to brag a little.

I fizz, sparkle, and bubble my way into thousands of people all over the world every day. I have a lot of power! I can cause masses of
humanity to make beelines for snack dispensers in plush, high-rise buildings. I stir men, women, and children to dash into their cars late at night to speed to therir nearest 24-hour convenience store. I motivate others to root through their purses or pockets for the last vestiges of pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters which they will gladly part with in exchange for me. The best thing about me is: I am addicting. I am responsible for giving thousands of addicts their daily “fixes.” This is because I sometimes contain a substance called “caffeine.” Caffeine is a stimulant. It makes their hearts beat fast and makes their nervous systems work like crazy. They feel as though they could take on the world. I tell you, I have overwhelming personal magnetism. I’m a sneaky double agent, too. I pretend to give people all the good they need because caffeine gives them a “lift.” However, a few hours afterward they come crashing “down”, get shaky, and need me again… for another pseudo-change. This plays havoc with their hearts and nerves, but they still look to me for relief. I feel very, very proud that I call the shots.

To give me an appetizing brown tint, I contain “caramel coloring”, which has genetic effects and is a cancer-causing suspect. I sometimes have polyethylene glycol as one of my ingredients. Glycol is used in antifreeze in automobiles and as an oil solvent.

The bubbles and fizz with which I potently harm human insides is caused by my phosphoric acid and carbon dioxide. The phosphorus in the acid upsets the body’s calcium phosphorus ratio and dissolves calcium out of the bones. This can eventually result in Osteoporosis, a weakening of the skeletal structure, which can make one susceptible to broken bones. Also, the phosphorus fights with hydrochloric acid in human stomachs and renders it ineffective. This promotes indigestion, bloating and gassiness in many individuals. Carbon dioxide is a waste product exhaled by humans, but they ingest it when they drink me.

I offer a selection of three types of sweeteners, according to customer’s preference. The sweeteners are: Saccharin or Aspartame in diet types, and Sugar or Corn Syrup in my regular drinks. These substances enhance my appeal and come disguised as “good” for everyone. Saccharin taste can be deceiving! Let me explain.

Saccharin is an artificial sweetener, which has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. There are warning labels on all my containers in which saccharin is an ingredient. Aspartame comes under the brand name Nutrasweet and has been linked to convulsions, depression, insomnia, immobility, weakness, dizziness, headaches, mood changes and mental retardation. When you have a health problem you may want to check out your local vending machine.

So what am I trying to tell all you who faithfully drink me unaware of my hidden secrets? Perhaps moderation would serve you well. If you drink me many times a day – beware. Your body can only function without “proper” nutrition for so long before it will break down in disease. I will cause it to break down. So if you must drink me do so in moderation, remembering that you are what you eat….or drink.