50+ Lifestyles

Recovering from Resentment

By Bob Morrison
Development Director of Ridgecrest Village

“Love keeps no record of wrongs.
… does not hold grudges.”
1 Corinthians 13:5

Most of us have learned everyone has issues, everyone has feelings, and everyone gets hurt from time to time. We cannot control others, but we can do many things to help ourselves deal with the resentment we feel. My friend, Dr. Bruce Ursin has shared a few insights.

Three Typical Causes of Resentment:
– What people say about us is almost obvious. Words do matter. They can cut like a knife.
– What people think about us. Reading other’s body language can reinforce your impression. However, this is sometime blown out of proportion from our perceptions or misunderstandings.
– What people do to us. People can turn against us; sometimes it may be from a close friend or loved one. We all make mistakes. It often does not seem fair the way others handle relationships or problems.

The Problem with Resentment:
– Resentment has been described as “Hell in the heart!” It is unreasonable. To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.
– Resentment is unhelpful. You are only hurting yourself with your anger. In a way it is a self-inflicting injury. Your resentment does not help others to change their behavior.
– Resentment is unhealthy. A cheerful heart is good medicine. Some stay healthy till the day they die and enjoy life. Others have no happiness at all. They live and die with bitter hearts. Hurt people tend to hurt
people. Most people are seldom hurt by your resentment, and it rarely makes you feel better.

The Cure for Resentment
– Reveal your hurt! The first step in overcoming this feeling is to acknowledge it and consciously set it aside. A cheerful heart is good medicine. Accept that life can stink. Speak up to a friend and vent. Then let it go.
– Release your offender. We become what we are focused on. My mother told me to find the good qualities in everyone. Focus on developing their good traits. We all have both good and bad.
– Refocus your life. Make a statement; “I am not a victim anymore!”

Be courageous and put your heart right. Troubles can fade from your memory.

Finally, Corrie Ten Boom was living with her older sister and her father in Haarlem when Holland surrendered to the Nazis (Movie, “The Hiding Place”). She and her sister, Betsie were arrested and put into a concentration camp for helping the Jewish people. Betsie died in that camp, but Corrie survived to tell her story.

Corrie was asked when she later met with one of the German guards, “Wasn’t he the one who hurt you?” Her reply, “I distinctly remember
forgetting what he did to me!”