December 2, 2014
Holy Fire of Joy
By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home
My childhood home has a feature that seems to have become a little less commonplace in homes during recent years: a wood-burning fireplace. And, more often than not, it was usually crackling with a fire when we were in for the evening during the coldest winter months back in the Minnesota homeland.
Dad taught me how to build a fire in the fireplace when I was a pretty young kid. That way, I learned soon enough, when he came home from work and wanted an evening fire, he could confidently ask me to get it going for him. And, I enjoyed doing that. We all enjoyed the fire, from its gentle smoky musk to the crackling roar to the lazy glow of the embers.
There is something of an art form, I decided, to building a good fire. How it survives and how it lasts has a lot to do with how it gets started. If I didn’t take the time to do it right (how many times haven’t we all heard that from our parents?), the fire usually burned out quickly, created a lot of smoke and led to increased and continued frustration, until I would simply take the time to do things the right way.
Good kindling is essential – something sturdy that stays ablaze long enough to ignite the logs yet retains enough embers to sustain the fire even after it is lit. Split logs, I learned, work better than the un-split, round ones to get the fire started. And setting the flue for proper air draft can be a critical component, as too much air can snuff out the initial tender flames and too little air can fill the house with smoke. A tricky balance, to be certain. Now, turn a corner with me if you would. Helen Keller once noted that “Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.”
What a powerful and meaningful corollary to consider joy as a “holy fire” within us! That can bring a whole new meaning to “snap, crackle and pop”, can it not? The holiday season is replete with all kinds of things that are intended to bring us joy and warm our hearts: holiday parties, family gatherings, special music and community celebrations….and yet joy can understandably be very difficult to kindle when we’ve lost someone we love.
Many people have told me over the years that they don’t feel much like celebrating during the holidays shortly after someone they love has died. The hustle and the bustle and the silver bells and the festivities just serve as nagging reminders, they say, that the rest of the world is joyful during the holidays…and they are not.
Understandable as this perspective might be, good kindling may be just what the doctor ordered to begin along the pathway of Remembering Well … and yet go on living. It’s good to remind ourselves, is it not, that continuing to live our lives with meaning DOES, indeed, honor their memory. Perhaps during this holiday season the hurting heart might be able to discover a way to muster enough kindling, if you will, to experience just a little bit of holly and even a little bit of jolly, so a flame begins to grow within as you learn to live this “new normal.”
Although we must somehow learn how to live without the physical presence of one so loved, we can also learn how to live with meaning as we embrace fully their memory and their love that no one can ever take from us. Fanned by the gentle waft of friends and family and meaningful memories, the tender flame can soon withstand more kindling before, in due time, it can finally sustain its own full and vibrant flame again. And then this once-tender flame can once again shine brightly and impart its light in the lives of others.
Not unlike building a fire the now-old-fashioned-way – which takes time and patience and a little bit of practice – reconciling the loss of someone we love is remarkably similar: How it survives and how it lasts has a lot to do with how it gets started.
May it be that the “holy fire of joy” would become yours again in time if you’ve lost someone you love this past year. And, as you continue on that pathway of Remembering Well, may you soon be able to join in the glad refrain, “Joy To The World!”
May you always Remember Well.
