50+ Lifestyles

Easy Button? Really??

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

Years ago, we often quipped about how “remarkable” it was that every problem or issue addressed in a television show could be solved in as little as 30 minutes – less commercial breaks nonetheless. While often predictable and typically not captivating, it made for mostly wholesome entertainment as many shows often included good family values and some life-lesson applications, too.

Fast forward a few decades. Few would argue that television has changed immensely since!

Many are familiar with the advertising campaign of a well-known office supply store chain which suggests that one’s problems can be solved – instantly, in fact – by pushing a single “easy” button. It’s certainly indicative of the fast-paced world in which we now live, where instant information and, in many cases, instant problem-solving, can be available right in the palm of our hand-held devices.

As we find ourselves in the midst of the holiday season, many merchants are touting other “easy button” options: “Click here for free shipping!” “Order today for guaranteed delivery before Christmas!” “Everything you need for your complete family holiday dinner – delivered right to your door!”

Notwithstanding the potential for a certain degree of effectiveness with many of these options, we must also be discerning enough to realize that some things in life simply aren’t “easy button compatible.” And never will be.

Reconciling our loss when someone we love has died may well be the chart-topper of this category. Hardwired with the instinctual need we humans have to grieve and mourn when someone we love has died, each person’s unique individuality, faith, culture, and family framework will yield different approaches to achieving that reconciliation. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this “problem”…and there is certainly no “easy button” to press that can solve it.

Succinctly stated in today’s vernacular:  “There’s not an app for that.”

For many people, the holidays are one of the most challenging seasons to process while on a grief journey, because it seems that everyone else in the world is happy and festive. The holidays are also a time when families make every extra effort to travel the distance necessary to be together. And, oh, what we wouldn’t give to travel any distance to be together again with the ones we love who have died…

No, there’s no app for this grief thing. There’s no “easy button.”  And there’s no shortcut. And never will be.

This, nevertheless, does not even remotely suggest that the holidays must be a washout for those who have lost loved ones recently. Just because there’s no app, no “easy button” or no shortcut certainly does not mean that there is no hope…or potential resolution.

Counter-intuitive as it may seem, one of the most important things to remember when grieving is that we must actually embrace our loss in order to deal with it. This may mean that, although we are hurting on the inside as we work through this thing called grief, we can give ourselves permission – even if in small doses – to seek happiness. We can give ourselves permission to go the holiday party or gathering. Or we can give ourselves permission to go to the Festival of Trees. Or to the Holiday Pops concert. Even if we don’t feel like it, we CAN give ourselves permission to go.

While it may be challenging to commit to doing things that seem festive when your heart is hurting, two incredibly important things can occur when you do so: the first is that going and doing is, in fact, embracing your grief in order to deal with it. Your grief is not making you stay home…rather YOU are making the choice to get yourself out and about, even if in small doses, to be with others and do things that are good and meaningful to do.

And secondly, as you do so, you are honoring the one you love who has died by continuing to live your own life with meaning and purpose. This DOES honor them, and in a big way. It honors their life. It honors their memory. And it honors their special place in your heart.

That is a gift that you can give and receive at that same time. And always will be.

Remember Well.

And from my family to yours, we wish all of you and all who are special to you a blessed Christmas filled with
meaning – and meaningful memories.

David W. Deuth CFSP is the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and RiverBend Cremation and Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf.  He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or by email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.