October 29, 2019
PUBLISHER’S CORNER
By Eloise Graham
Thanksgiving and Family
It is that time of year so many look forward to yet dread at the same time. Family and friends gather in living rooms, dens, dining rooms and kitchens. They break bread together, exchange niceties and get caught up on each other’s lives.
You know the drill… Aunt Ann and Uncle Fred, very staunch conservative Republicans will be there. Son Junior, a very liberal Democrat, and his Hindu fiancée will be there. Also present will be twelve or more guests whose political views are somewhere in between. Fr. Uncle Joe, a Catholic priest will say the blessing to the group which is comprised of four other denominations, a smattering of agnostics and the Hindu fiancée. What’s the general rule of thumb? No talking of religion or politics.
Let’s rethink that. How can we really get to know one another if we don’t share what we believe or feel. You realize I said “share” not force or cram down another’s throat.
A hypothetical conversation: Jan and Sue are setting the table when Jan asks, “What is your favorite color?” Sue replies, “Red. It makes me feel warm and friendly.” Jan comments, “I hadn’t thought of it as a warm and friendly color. For me, it is too intense and I get agitated. I prefer blue and blue tones. They have a calming effect. I feel at peace when surrounded by blues.” Sue ponders that for a moment. “I hadn’t thought of blue being calming. It doesn’t have that effect on me. I become downright depressed.” The sharing of how colors make them feel continues.
Did you notice neither one tried to change the other one’s mind? Neither one lost their temper. Neither one did any name-calling because they didn’t agree. Instead, they learned a little about each other and the reason behind their opinions. Why can’t we do the same with issues that really make up who we are? Our core, our being.
Let’s try another hypothetical situation: Aunt Mary is hosting Thanksgiving this year. A few of her college age nieces and nephews have invited their roommates to join in the Thanksgiving dinner. Haley and Ian are seated next to each other. They had not met before. But they seemed to like being seated together. To strike up a conversation, Haley asks, “What is your favorite color?” “Turquoise.” say Ian. “Oh, that’s mine, too! We have something in common.” exclaims Haley. A little more chitchat takes place. Then Ian says, “We’re you listening to the news today? What do you think of all of that trouble in Ukraine?” “Oh, we can’t talk about politics, we might offend someone. I see you didn’t eat the cucumbers in your salad. I don’t like cucumbers either. Something else we have in common.” Ian nods. More nondescript chitchat. Haley is telling everyone how much she and Ian have in common. They both like turquoise and dislike cucumbers. Then she says to Ian, “I was hearing a speech about life after death. What are your feelings on the subject?” Ian replies, “Oh, I don’t want to talk about religion. It makes me uncomfortable. But we do have a lot in common we can talk about. We like turquoise and don’t like cucumbers.”
Did that seem a little ludicrous to you? I hope so. But really, that is often how shallow we are with people because we don’t know how to share thoughts, beliefs, and convictions calmly and with respect to the differences we might have.
So this year, at the Thanksgiving table, listen with love, then respond with love. After all, as it has been said many times, the Good Lord gave us two ears but only one mouth for a reason. It takes some self-control and patience; more listening than talking to share ideals with one another. But we might find we have more in common than we thought. We can get to know our friends and family better.
Ground rules would need to be spelled out. No name-calling: either of each other or the person being discussed. No shouting. Lots of listening and hearing. Some great comments and replies include: “Why do you feel like that?” “Hmm, I hadn’t thought of it that way.” “That’s very interesting.” “I am not sure I understand. Can you explain your reasons?”
In this season of family we need to learn acceptance and find the commonality that links us together.
