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By Gail Glockhoff-Long
GolderCare Solutions
Benefits Advocate

Family and the Holidays

Spending holiday time with family is just around the corner. Our big family Christmases were a house full of family with the big turkey dinner, ever inch decorated, presents galore and lots of chaos. If your family includes an elderly or disabled family member, it may be time to rethink your holiday traditions. Taking some time before the festivities begin to plan your visit with an aging loved one can help you and the entire family enjoy the time together.

Know before you go – If you are the out of town child, you will want to check before your visit what may have changed. Is there a family member or caregiver that can tell you how grandma is doing? Perhaps her cognitive abilities are slipping, or she needs help with more things. Knowing in advance can prepare you and your children for the changes you may see. Talking to your children about the changes and how they can be helpful to grandma can make the visit more enjoyable for everyone.

Change up traditions – Mom always hosted and prepared the big dinner by herself. Come a day early and help with the preparations.  It may be time for her to rest on her laurels.  Let mom supervise while you learn to make the secret family dish.  This is a great way to spend time together and include mom.  Simplify the menu.  Invite mom to your house.  If Dad is in a nursing facility, move the party there.  There may be a private room if you have a large family or small children that need space to move around.  Remember to check the current visitation policy at the facility – some have gone back to masks due to the flu / COVID / RSV combo of germs currently circulating.

Be a fresh set of eyes – The holidays give you an opportunity to check on your loved one’s well-being, especially if you haven’t visited in a while. When we see someone every day, we may not notice health changes because they happen gradually. On the other hand, when we visit seniors whom we haven’t seen in a while, the changes may be more obvious. If you’re visiting in their home, check the pantry and refrigerator to make sure they are eating fresh, healthy food. Glance over the overall safety of the home, replace the carbon monoxide and smoke alarms batteries and remedy  fall or tripping hazards. Take note if you see a stack of unopened bills.  Are they forgetting to pay them?  Do their medications look organized and current?  You may notice warning signs or concerns you need to address if they are to remain independent at home.

Enjoy your time together – Focus on making the most of the holidays and your time together. Encourage group activities. What do they not get to do when they are on their own?  Take a drive through the neighborhood to see the lights. Sing favorite Christmas carols. Decorate cookies together. Find ways to reminisce about holidays past. Even seniors with advanced memory loss retain long-term memories and may be able to speak vividly about their favorite childhood Christmas. Get out family photo albums and videos that bring the past to life for your parents. If memory or blindness is an issue, help them know what grandchild they are talking to so the grandchild feels special.  “Theo, come show Grandma the cookie you decorated.”

Plan quiet time – Most seniors, whether living at home alone or in assisted living or nursing care, live a quiet life of routine. All of the extra activity, visitors, and stimulation can be exhausting. They are using all of their energy to participate. Remember to incorporate some quiet time into the day as an opportunity to recharge their batteries before continuing on with the rest of the day. Quiet time could include bringing them to a bedroom and allowing them to take a quick nap or sitting down with them in a calm area of the house and finding a sunny window for a doze. More active seniors may just need a cocoa and cookie break.

Christmas Cards and Gifts – As your loved one ages; it can be helpful to assist them with traditional holiday correspondence and gift giving. As they lose independence, guilt is common when they can’t do what they used to do. Spend an afternoon assisting with preparing holiday cards for mailing. Take on the legwork of shopping for grandkids. Knowing they can still connect in these ways can be important to feeling valuable and still a part of the family traditions.

If you discovered your loved one is in more need of assistance than in the past, it may be time to seek professional guidance on next steps. The earlier you start planning, the more options you will have for paying for the care they will need in the future and the more they can contribute to those decisions.

Happy Holidays and enjoy your time with family.

GolderCare Solutions is an independent advocacy group for seniors, the disabled and those that care for them. GolderCare has offices in Moline and Bettendorf. You can reach GolderCare at (309) 764-2273 or learn more at www.goldercare.com.