50+ Lifestyles

Grief

By Mary Schricker Gemberling

“Grief is the price we pay for love…….”

During the past 12 years of my marriage to Gary, I have observed from the sidelines the passing of several of his lifelong friends. I sympathized but could only imagine how hard the loss was for him. You see I am one of those ever so lucky people who, other than the natural death of my parents, had yet to lose anyone really close to me. That is until February 19th of this year.

My day started out like most; sipping my coffee and reading the newspaper. About half way through my first cup of coffee I received a message from Jean Bahls that her mom Carolyn Day, my lifelong friend of almost 50 years had passed earlier that morning. I knew that she was having some health issues, but death? How could this be? During the ensuing days and weeks of conversations with mutual friends, tears at the most inopportune times, and the stark reality that I could not pick up the phone and call my friend whenever I wanted, I grieved.

Carolyn with her dog

Carolyn and I first met in the 1970s at a neighborhood picnic. We had recently moved to Davenport from Nebraska where Carolyn had been raised and attended College, It was at Nebraska’s Wayne State University that Carolyn met Dave her husband of over 56 years. The more we talked the more we seemed to have in common, not the least being our love of teaching. In 1979 we both took a leave of absence from our careers to care for our new babies, just a month apart in age. The time we spent together during those two years, sharing our boys’ milestones became the foundation for a lifelong bond of understanding and friendship.

Through camping trips, summer pool parties, fall football games, and holiday gatherings our children became friends and all us family. In later years we both moved from the neighborhood, but the bonds of our friendship remained strong. As time went on, we continued to lean on each other through the challenges of raising our children, the heartache of divorce, and the grief of losing our parents. We shared birthdays, graduations and other important milestones.

Carolyn Day with neighbors and all of the kids for a party in 1982

Carolyn had a passion for teaching; she loved each and every one of her students, and they loved her. Third grade was her favorite grade to teach, and my younger son Bret was one of her third graders. He was so excited to have her as a teacher, and she talked to me often about the potential she could see in him. I believe the year he spent in her classroom set the stage for the kind and caring person he is today.

It was on a rainy Spoon River Drive one September day, some 25+ years ago, that Carolyn suggested we start a bunco group. The idea came to fruition and with it a group of twelve gals who met monthly for bunco, refreshments, and more laughter and fun than you can imagine.

The Bunco Babes a few years ago

As years went on we dubbed ourselves the ‘Bunco Babes’ and our friendships deepened, especially as we aged. Carolyn loved Florida almost as much as I did. After she retired she would often accompany me on my drive down and back each year. It became somewhat of a ritual for my cousin Joan and friend Carolyn Rose to join us for a week of girl time. Some years the number of girlfriends joining us varied, but the laughter, fun and camaraderie never faltered. Carolyn loved music and on more than one occasion, we loudly serenaded her with the words to her favorite song, Sweet Caroline.

The Bunco Babes in 2021

We took trips together with our ‘bunco babes’ to Florida, South Carolina, and Texas. I remember on one trip, as we all were waiting in the boarding area of the airport, we were approached by a couple of ladies. They wanted to know where we were all going and if they could come too. Our laughter, and spirited behavior had not gone unnoticed! Whether on a girls’ trip, at a summer pool party, Carolyn’s lakefront home, or at movie night the good times rolled on and on.

In 2011 after I married Gary, Carolyn shared with great joy the stories of our travels, especially ribbing me about how much I enjoyed our RV. A couple of years ago Carolyn and Dave moved to Osceola, Iowa to be closer to Jean, Tom and her grandson Cooper (the light of her life). We didn’t see each other as often. In April of last year Joan, Carolyn, and Carolyn Rose and I all spent a week here at my condo, having no idea it would be our last time together. Gary and I also were able to stop to see Carolyn and Dave at their new lakefront home last September while nearby on a motorhome trip. I am thankful for these last visits but selfishly want just one more.

Carolyn visiting Mary in Florida

The last few weeks have been hard for me. I am not very good at this grieving thing… not ready to close the book on a friendship that began so many years ago. Writing this article has been cathartic, and I thank you my readers for indulging me in this trip down memory lane with my good friend Carolyn Day.

Mary, a former educator and Seniors Real Estate Specialist, is the author of four books: The West End Kid, Labor of Love, Hotel Blackhawk; A Century of Elegance, and Ebenezer United Methodist Church; 150 Years of Resiliency.