50+ Lifestyles

Your Advocacy Connection

We Solve Long-Term Care Problems

It Takes a Village to Support a Senior

By Gail Glockhoff-Long
GolderCare Solutions
Benefits Advocate

Aging can be a challenge for all of us.  There are so many major decisions When do I start taking money from your retirement funds? Is it time to downsize? Do I need to see a doctor about this? Is it time to move to senior living?

Aging solo is a different dynamic. I say this because having a partner in life – whether a spouse / romantic partner / or close network of friends – can provide you with feedback on health issues and decision making that you miss when you are solo.    

Many people tend to underplay or deny medical issues with the ‘ignore it and it will go away’ approach. A partner sees you every day and notices when you are off or may need medical intervention. They notice you are often short of breath. They notice you are more forgetful or confused.  When you say you are fine or that the doctor is too busy, they insist, make the appointment and go with you. My sister would complain about a medical issue. When we would see the doctor, sister would say she was fine. My job was to remind her of her recent complaints that I had been hearing every day for the last week.

My single friends (single/divorced/widowed) tend to fall into two big groups – connected and isolated.

The connected group have a circle of very close family or friends that look out for each other. One friend  lives in a senior complex and does rounds daily of calling or visiting her older female friends in the independent apartments to check on them. She also has her own support network in her age group that socialize several times a week. One friend is a very independent 100+ widow who is able to live alone in her home through her social network of family, friends, and neighbors. She is not afraid to ask when she needs help with something. Her network looks in on her and gets her medical care and to social events when needed. Another told me about her cancer treatments and how a friend from childhood was with her for every chemo treatment and doctor visit. When she thought it was too hard and was ready to give up, her friend was the support she needed to keep going. All three of these women made the effort to create and nurture their village of close friends as their support network. They have positive outlooks on life. They understand the importance of deep and lasting relationship.

The  other group of singles tend to be more insular. They have minimal, if any, family nearby. They tend to spend most of their time alone. They keep their personal life private.  Their friends are mostly surface level. When this group gets sick, they tend to suffer at home alone because they don’t want to bother anyone to drive them to the doctor or hospital.  Their health tends to go untreated until it gets so bad they end up in the hospital. That was my neighbor of 30 years.  Because they do not mention things early to their medical professional, they miss out on the chance to treat things early resulting in diminishing their quality, and perhaps quantity, of life. Your doctor does not know the new medication is giving you headache / nausea / dizziness side effects if you do not tell them. Maybe the medication is perfect for you but the wrong dosage. Your doctors also do not know about new symptoms until you tell them.  A good support network – your Village – can help you decide if it is time to seek medical help and then support your treatment path.

If you are an insular person, what is your plan for aging?  Who will help with decision making? Who will help notice when it is time to make the next big life decision? For some the answer is moving to congregate senior living with a built in Village. For some the answer is building or nurturing their existing Village. As a Solo, it is up to you to take the first step of setting up your support system of professionals and friends. GolderCare may have a place in that Village with decision support and knowledge, especially if you are aging solo. Check out the GolderCare website for webinars on many aging topics.

The more independent and in control of your life you want to be as you age, the more you need a village to help you stay out of nursing care.  That support system does not magically happen.  You have to build and nurture it over time so it will be there when needed.  Have you built your Village?

Gail is a Benefits Advocate and Insurance Specialist.  GolderCare has been assisting seniors in Iowa and Illinois with decision support, care management, placement and cost of care issues since 2008.