August 3, 2021
A Clan? A Network? A Tribe? A Family?
By Mary Schricker Gemberling
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”
…………Jane Howard
Yesterday, Gary and I arrived back home from the annual ‘Smith Family Reunion’ hosted by his daughter and husband in Rochester Minnesota. Even though I am not a ‘Smith’ I have been attending the reunions for the ten years we have been married and look forward to the event every year. Gary is really not a ‘Smith’ either! So why are we included in this annual gathering?
Gary is an only child so when he married Kathy Smith in 1962, her entire family welcomed him with open arms. Even his parents became friends and were often included in family events. His two children grew up surrounded by the Smith family on holidays and special occasions. After Kathy died and I came into the picture, the kind and thoughtful Smith family made me feel very welcome.
In the traditional sense of the word family is defined as a mother, father, children and other immediate members. More than half of all families in today’s world do not to fit that definition. They differ in composition as well as economic, cultural, and social structure.
But what every family does have in common is that the people who call it a family are making it clear that those individuals are important enough to be included.
Since I have a relatively small family myself I welcomed the addition of Gary’s children and grandchildren into my life. We introduced all of our children and their spouses to each other early in our relationship hoping they would at least be cordial.
Much to our surprise and delight they have all become relatively close and enjoy spending time together at Christmas and every other year on a family vacation. A few years ago we started including my nephew Jason and his family in our immediate clan, bringing the total number to 22. In August of this year, we will gather together at Table Rock Lake for a week full of laughter, good food and good times. The cousins who number eleven now range in age from 5 to 28, and all get along remarkably well.
A few years ago Gary’s daughter Merritt, who was adopted, was reunited with her birth family who lived in Chicago. It’s a wonderful story (perhaps another future article) with a happy ending or should I say beginning. When her birth grandfather turned 90 a couple of years ago, we were invited to the celebration. It seems he wanted to meet the man who had done such a wonderful job of raising his granddaughter. Since Gary and I both enjoy meeting new people, we gracefully accepted the invitation and had a wonderful time meeting another group of people who could loosely be called family. Many of us reunited last summer in Lake Geneva to celebrate Merritt’s 50th birthday!
We each should look to define family by our own standards, and as with Gary and I you might end up with several different families in your lifetime, perhaps even several at one time! In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.
“Families are the compass that guide us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter. They are the link to our past and the bridge to our future”…………Anonymous
Mary, a former educator and Real Estate Specialist, is the author of four books: The West End Kid, Labor of Love, Hotel Blackhawk; a Century of Elegance, and Ebenezer United Methodist Church: 150 Years of Resiliency.
