November 29, 2021
Just Saying…
By Q.C. Jones
Procrastination: A Holiday Dream or Nightmare?
Your pal QC Jones is a natural born prize-winning procrastinator. I can still remember the famous words of Miss Florence Miller, my seventh-grade teacher, whose note on my big school project included the following, “Great work on your scrapbook, but I couldn’t help but notice the glue was still wet when you turned it in. You are a procrastinator, and it will catch up with you someday.”
The normal person might have taken her bit of constructive criticism to heart and doubled down on getting things done ahead of time. Not me, I continued the practice, perhaps even perfecting the model as I wormed my way through life. College days often found me pulling all-night study sessions to make up for procrastinating daily study. My career was no different, big presentations are finished minutes before the meeting, speeches to hundreds of people were completed two minutes before the master of ceremonies introduces the keynote speaker (me), and articles are polished off 30 seconds ahead of the deadline.
It should come as no surprise, QC found himself off guard when the editor of this fine publication sent an email stating the deadline for this piece was but a day away. Because I had put off, maybe even procrastinated, reading emails until later in the evening, I went to bed with thoughts of this article dancing around (like sugar plumbs?) in my mind. Need I say, there were strange and Dickens-esque dreams about to bounce through my soon to be unconscious psyche.
Like the famous Ebenezer Scrooge of days gone by, my dreams were populated by picturesque phantasms of procrastinations past, present, and future. Join me as I relate a few of these early winter dreams.
First there appeared the spirit of Holiday shopping past. I am reluctantly pulled into an ere world which while vivid, existed in pure black and white. Magically, I am thrust into the classic 1947 movie, Miracle on 34th Street. Joining character Fred Grailey (played by John Payne), I find myself walking through Macy’s Department store on Christmas Eve. The shelves are full, well stocked with tons of presents and the clerks more than helpful in selecting the right Christmas presents – right in time.
Suddenly, a large white gloved covered hand, plucks me out of the movie and deposits me in a well-lit department store. I recognize the place as F.W. Woolworth’s Department Store in Taylorville, Illinois – The date: December 24, 1977. There is a younger and darker-haired version of me wandering aimlessly trying to find just two more presents. Stress was oozing from my young self as I realized all the suitable gifts for my mother were either out of stock or beyond my price range. I am embarrassed to think my dear mother got a collection of cooking utensils that year. Procrastination did not serve me well.
Then with a wink of the eye and a nod from a not so merry guy dressed in a red outfit, I experience an out of body existence. Looking down from above, I see a pandemic-maddened version of me sitting at my desk talking excitedly to someone on the phone. Eavesdropping on my year-old conversation, I can hear The Quad-Cities’ number one procrastinator speaking to a customer service rep at The Collin Street Bakery home of The Deluxe Fruitcake.
In a broken voice, this model of QC Jones says something…
[Author’s note: To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time that QC Jones and model have ever been used in the same sentence. This reference does not refer to a highly attractive and photogenic person as seen in fashion magazines. Instead think of model as if describing a 1961 Mercury Comet.]Now back to our scene. The vintage QC says, “What do you mean you can’t get the fruitcake to my house in time for Christmas. Christmas is a full eight days away. I guess we will have it to celebrate the 12th day of Christmas on January 6th.” With sweat dripping from my brow, I watch as another Jones Family Holiday Tradition goes swirling down the commode… But, the swirling action spins into a whirlwind of bright lights and colors.
Feeling the gust of cold wind, I awaken to find my blankets laying on the bedroom floor. The top sheet is twisted mummy-like around my body. Somehow the bedroom window is gaping open, and the north winds are howling through the room. Even Mr. T, my constant kitty companion, has abandoned me for a warm spot between the radiator and the pile of blankets on the floor.
Even though the clock says 5:30, I am wide awake and bouncing with energy. My cell phone is buzzing. Glancing down, I see a newsflash. It says, “Supply chain issues will make shopping more difficult for Procrastinators.” Writing on the wall? Well not exactly on the wall, but certainly on the cellphone.
This year, QC “ain’t gonna” procrastinate! Just saying!
