50+ Lifestyles

Who’s Really In Charge?

David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

The first in a series of articles to help readers gain a better understanding of things most people never think about – until it’s time to plan a funeral.

Have you ever wondered who gets to make the decisions regarding your funeral? Certain scenarios can get pretty interesting – even dicey. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the years is that people don’t know what they don’t know. This article series is intended to help readers gain a better understanding of things most people never think about – until it’s time to plan a funeral.

In this first article of the series “Who’s Really In Charge?”, we’ll establish the ground work for this multifaceted topic. This information will be foundational to a better understanding of the real-life scenarios and special considerations that will be outlined in the remainder of the series.

So perhaps you’re one of the people who thinks pre-planning isn’t all that necessary. Perhaps you just don’t want to talk about it. Or, perhaps you’re one of those who perpetually says, “Someday I’ll get around to it.”

Perhaps the information in this series will help you see things in a new light.

First and foremost, it’s important for everyone to know that we all have the opportunity to “have a say” in our own funeral arrangements – but recording those wishes is the vital first step that many choose to ignore. And very few things in life, I’ve decided, get better by ignoring them. Indeed, without taking the first step, a journey never begins.

On the other hand, many people wisely choose to prepare a Will during their lifetime. We have come to understand that a properly prepared Will is the definitive guideline for the proper and orderly distribution of a person’s assets and belongings – according to their wishes – upon their death.

But what happens when a person does not establish a Will prior to their death? In the state of Iowa, there’s a failsafe plan: the State has a Will for you. So the State effectively determines who gets your assets and belongings. And in what amounts. Whether you like it or not.

Does this urge people to establish a Will? It should. But remember: people don’t know what they don’t know. The default, by ignoring the need for a Will, is that someone else is in charge.

And that’s not always good.

If you don’t have a Will, good legal advice is essential to determine the best options for your situation. Many attorneys do not charge for an initial consultation, and you can learn invaluable information from their expertise. A word of caution is necessary: Will-In-A-Box kits found on eBay or elsewhere can provide a false, and potentially dangerous, sense of security. An improperly drafted Will – or worse yet, an entirely
unenforceable one – is nearly always worse than having no Will at all. If you need a Will, you need one that is enforceable and properly prepared. Period.

If you DO have a Will, good for you! You are to be commended. If you haven’t reviewed it in the past five years, it’s probably time to make
certain that it still represents your wishes AND your family landscape. Birth, Death, Marriage or Divorce in your immediate family nearly always pose significant implications that suggest a review of your Will and your life insurance policies.
So…what does this have to with funeral planning? Plenty.

Just as a properly prepared Will establishes your preferences for the distribution of everything you’ve acquired in your lifetime – for the benefit of the people you care the most about – so properly prepared funeral preferences and instructions establish what’s important to you for the same reason: it will benefit those you care about the most.

So what happens if a person doesn’t record their funeral preferences prior to their death? The family invariably ends up agonizing over the decisions and details on the worst day of their lives. And, as we’ll see in future articles, the person who gets to call the shots may not always be the person you thought it would be.

Does this urge people pre-arrange? It should. But remember: people don’t know what they don’t know. The default, by ignoring the need for pre-arrangements, is that someone else is in charge.

And that’s not always good.

With a better understanding of the important concepts presented throughout this series, it is my sincere hope that families will be better prepared to do what I believe is the most important thing when someone has died:

Remember Well.

David W. Deuth, CFSP, is the owner of Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and can be reached at 563.355.4433 or Dave@WeertsFH.com.

His series, Who’s Really In Charge?, will continue in next month’s edition of 50+ Lifestyles.