October 1, 2024
Just Saying…
Monsters I Have Known and Loved
By Q.C. Jones
Let’s face it, October is a spooky month. Sitting in my little hovel perched high atop the hills overlooking the Village of East Davenport and thinking about this month, my train of thought keeps jumping the tracks and crashing into Halloween. This may be somehow tied to last week’s quick visit to Spirit Halloween, the holiday superstore which specializes in all sorts of scary stuff for kids of all ages.
By coincidence and perhaps equally influencing my thought process (and without giving away the secrets of producing pithy commentary on Quad-City life) today is Friday the 13th. My early morning social media string contained comprehensive reminders tied to the macabre potential of the date. There is a Friday the 13th phobia so real that it has a scientific name.
Experts call the fear of Friday the 13th as friggatriskaidekaphobia. Just so you know I’m not just making this stuff up, friggatriskaidekaphobia comes from Frigg, the Germanic goddess of wisdom after whom Friday is named, and the Greek words triskaideka, meaning 13, and phobia, meaning fear.
With this educational public service announcement out of the way, allow me to wander down one of the dark alleys of nearly forgotten childhood memories. Join the 13-year-old QC Jones on a journey as we explore what might be referred to as my favorite monsters.
Back in the “olden days” before the internet, cable TV, or video tapes, the east side of my hometown’s square was dominated by the Capitol Theatre. This proud leftover from the 1940s was the area bastion of the cinema arts. Each week the nation’s newest movies were presented to the film-going public. But, on Friday the 13th, the newest movie was replaced by an all-day line-up of vintage monster classics. These scare-fests ran from early afternoon till the strike of midnight. And the young QC Jones joined a few of his friends to attend.
The movie list was quite long. Frankenstein, monsters from outer space, and werewolves filled the bill. But one movie left a lasting impression on my malleable mind. Nothing was quite as spinechilling as The Evil Count from Transylvania – Dracula.
Starting with Dracula, moving on to Interview with a Vampire and ending with last year’s Bloodthirst, I have always loved vampires. Loved might not be the proper term, pity the poor soul who ever loves a vampire. Instead, perhaps a better term might be, I have careful respect for these evil creatures, and strive to maintain a supply of garlic, holy water, and mirrors just in case.
All this, but think about the topic. Vampires have a sense of style. When was the last time you saw a vampire dressed in anything less than a classy smoking jacket? Their homes are spacious with plenty of basement/crypt storage for plastic totes, old keepsakes, and the occasional casket. Their plates and flatware are impeccable. Plus, they seem to always have the proper wineglass or goblet for beverages.
Moving from style to lifestyle, left to my own devices and without the influence of bosses and colleagues setting my working hours, I would probably gravitate to the more urbane life of a night owl, or in the vampire case, bat of the night. Thinking more about the topic, vampires almost always seem to possess a rich understanding of history and Eastern European politics. They always have money, manners, and a cool Romanian accent. All that and servants. I promise if I ever win a billion bucks in the lottery, I will hire a butler whose resume shows they once worked for a now-destroyed vampire family.
Stick with the lifestyle thing, I can never recall seeing an overweight and out of shape vampire. I don’t know if it’s the diet or the effort put into flying around as bats, but The Count and all his buddies seem to be in to be in top shape.
Because vampires are already dead, they avoid all the issues of dealing with pesky life insurance salespeople. Imagine the conversation. “Hello Mister, I mean Count, Dracula, I am calling today from International Life, the great insurance company. Can you take a few moments to talk about your life planning and what would happen should you die unexpectedly? What do you mean you’re undead? Everybody dies. Are you prepared?” Our vampire friend can either invite them over for dinner or toss their call aside without worry.
Finally, one the subject of a dinner date with a vampire. If presented with the opportunity to experience dinner with a vampire, I would put together a special meal rich in sautéed garlic, with plenty of holy water to wash it down. We would top the meal off with a steak – of the wooden variety.
Ah, the monsters I have known and loved. Give me a vampire any day. Over the Covid lockdown, I watched every movie on the topic available, including some in Korean with subtitles.
For those interested in further pursuing the subject, Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, is an educational moment in American history and vampires.
Just saying… QC Jones
