April 7, 2025
Just Saying…
Mississippi Mayhem: Santa vs. Bunny Hits Quad Cities Grudge Match!
By Q.C. Jones
Straddling the Mighty Mississippi, our Quad Cities were once considered a rough and tumble river town – a place where burly farmers, river boat bargemen, railroad ruffians, and others gathered for manly sport. Mixed in amongst the horse races, billiards, and card games was the emerging sports of wrestling and boxing.
Research indicates that both boxing and wrestling were taught, practiced, and exhibited at several of the German Turner (Turnvereine) Halls which still appear under different names in the older sections of at Davenport. It was reported that several of the local champions of our area were featured participants in events throughout the Midwest – including the grandaddy of them all in Milwaukee.
What’s more, our QCA continued the tradition of pugilistic sport into the modern era with internationally famous boxers and UFC fighters. Pat Miletich, for example, who hales from Bettendorf, was the first UFC Welterweight Champion and operates Miletich Fighting Systems, a renowned gym for UFC professionals. Micheal Nunn after winning three Iowa Gold Glove titles went on to be two-weight class world champion professional boxer.
Based on this long pugilistic tradition could there be any wonder we observed the following pre-Easter event?
Dateline: Quad Cities
The normally tranquil John Deere Commons in Moline was transformed into a chaotic mob-scene. Santa Claus, decked out in his spring weight red outfit and looking markedly flustered, was attempting to navigate a sea of confused kids. The Easter Bunny, sporting a pair of stylish sunglasses and a smiling long ear to longer ear, was handing out more than his normal hard-boiled eggs. He was also tossing miniature tractors into waiting baskets. While we are not exactly sure if the move was driven by six dollars a dozen eggs or the result of some kind of promotional deal with Deere and Company, it was a major departure from the norm and Santa reacted.
“This is outrageous!” Santa Claus bellowed, his voice echoing across the river towards Davenport. “He’s even using John Deere’s miniature tractors for his deliveries! Trademark infringement! This bunny is out of control!”
It all started when the Easter Bunny, feeling a surge of entrepreneurial spirit after a particularly successful Easter in 2024, decided to expand his operations around the Quad Cities “The Quad Cities are a hub of innovation,” he explained, sipping a peanut butter shake down at Country Style Ice Cream. “I figured, why not bring a little extra joy to the kids of this vibrant community?”
Santa saw it as a blatant invasion of his territory. “He’s handing out toys at the Freight House Farmers Market! He’s even trying to get the Modern Woodmen Park to change their name to ‘Bunny’s Ballpark’! This bunny stuff has to stop!”
The conflict reached crescendo at Lindsay Park’s Channel Cat stop. Santa, attempting to deliver a sack of toys to the children on board, found himself face-to-face with the Easter Bunny, who was handing out chocolate eggs and explaining the finer points of rabbit hop techniques.
“Bunny,” Santa growled, “I’ve had enough! You’re turning my Christmas cheer into some kind of a chaotic egg hunt!”
“Santa,” the Bunny retorted, “lighten up! The kids love it! Besides, I’m just trying to bring a little springtime joy to the Quad Cities. There is magic in that mighty river, and I am a river bunny.”
A heated debate ensued, with arguments ranging from the merits of reindeer vs. rabbit transportation to the optimal temperature for chocolate melting. There may have been a few pushes, and a couple of elves taking tiny hammers to the Bunny’s egg supply. The children were surprised by the brew-ha. Different factions seemed to stir the tensions by chanting/cheering for their favorite. “Bunny! Santa! Bunny! Santa!” and even a few inappropriate comments rang through the air.
Just as the authorities began to wonder how they could arrest a rabbit or a jolly elf without ruining their career, a solution emerged. A young red-headed girl, holding a half-eaten chocolate egg and a miniature tractor, suggested a compromise. “Why don’t you work together?” she asked. “Santa can deliver the toys, and the Bunny can deliver the eggs and tractors!”
The two holiday icons looked at each other, then at the cheering crowd. A grudging truce was formed. Santa would focus on Christmas, and the Easter Bunny would bring springtime joy to the QCA, with a special emphasis on delivering miniature tractors.
And so, the Quad Cities became the site of an unlikely partnership. During Christmas, Santa’s sleigh will fly over the Mississippi, delivering toys to the children of Davenport, Moline, Rock Island, Bettendorf, East Moline and all the rest. Come Easter, the Easter Bunny, with his trusty team of John Deere miniature tractors, will hop across the region, bringing springtime cheer to all.
Rumors have it that Rudolph, ever looking for ways to keep his nose bright red, opened a stand selling carrot-flavored margaritas down at Lopiez Pizza in Downtown Davenport. Business is booming and carrots help you see in the dark.
Just saying… QC Jones
