November 7, 2014
You Must Take Care of Yourself First – Plan for the Worst and Hope for the Best
By Deb Toal
GolderCare Solutions
Your Advocacy Connection: We Solve Long Term Care Problems
Several decades ago when I was a green graduate nurse, I heard a doctor question his patient, “Why didn’t you have that cough checked out sooner?” This son had been so busy taking care of his very frail mother, that he didn’t think he had time to see his own doctor. His mother had cycled in and out of our medical unit at the hospital many times, and he had become a familiar visitor, but this time he was on the other side of the bed with no one to take care of Mom. Now the score was Patients-2 Caregivers-0.
In more recent years, I was leading a support group for patients when I was alerted that one of the spouses attending the caregiver’s support group had chest pain and was being taken to the hospital. I knew that this man was providing all of his wife’s care and did not have children locally to assist. Again the score was Patients-2 Caregivers-0.
Unfortunately, as the years have gone by, I have seen this same scene play out many times with different cast and different details. Research indicates a caregiver’s risk for chronic illness is twice that of a non-caregiver. For that reason “You must take care of yourself first.” has become my mantra over the years.
Many very attentive caregivers are quick to call for doctors’ appointments, prepare special diets, and assist with physical therapy and exercise programs for the people in their care, while ignoring their own needs. So often I see caregivers living by the old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” when it comes to the person they are caring for, but not for themselves.
Being a good provider is dependent not only on a certain level of physical well-being, but also mental well-being. By neglecting either the physical or mental health, sooner or later it snowballs and both are affected. Did the depression come first or the back pain? The result is the same. When that person is a caregiver there is a domino effect. Again, the score is Patients-2 Caregivers-0.
So, what is a good proactive plan to keep the score even? There can be no plan without a good assessment of the situation. Caregiving demands are ever changing, so a wise caregiver constantly re-evaluates. Increased demands can creep up on the caregiver. Here are some things to watch for as a caregiver:
• Have care needs changed? Has independence decreased?
• Are different skills, equipment or expertise required to provide the care?
• Has your health and feelings of well-being as the caregiver changed?
• Are your medical issues ignored? Have you postponed doctor dental or eye appointments?
• Do you have an increase in fatigue?
• Do you feeling overwhelmed?
• Do you have trouble getting to sleep or getting enough sleep?
• Has your weight changed?
• Have you lost interest in things that used to be fun?
If you are a caregiver, don’t wait for the next shoe to drop. Whether it is friends or family pitching in hiring professional help, I have seen caregivers come up with creative ways to meet the needs of the person under their care, while getting the break they need to take care of themselves. The interesting thing is that often, by involving others in care, not only does the caregiver get respite, but the care receiver benefits also.
If you are the care giver, start with the list of things you would gladly have someone else do or that you can no longer physically handle. Did you know that several grocery stores in the Quad Cities deliver? Unless grocery shopping is your idea of fun, delivery is a way to save at least an hour or more every week and a lot of energy. Those people who said, “Let me know if I can do anything.” can be given a clear directive. “Could you drop by on Friday at one to watch the baseball game on TV with Bill, while I go to the dentist?”
Regular medical checkups are just as important for the care giver as the care receiver. When there is a medical issue, don’t ignore it or delay treatment for a more “convenient” time. You can bet it will come to a head at the most inconvenient time possible!
This brings me to my last point. Plan for the worse and hope for the best! If you are a caregiver, it is not enough to just have your affairs in order. The plan must be clearly explained and written with a copy given to those entrusted to carry out your plan if you are unable.
In your mind, work through the worse-case scenarios and put in writing what someone else would need to know to execute your plans. Make a list of phone numbers of family, friends, health care providers, and other professionals and include what they can do and availability. Not only is it important to build a network of informal helpers, but also establish relationships with professional services you might need. Include in your plan the assisted living that provides emergency respite or a kennel for Fido.
In the midst of day to day caregiving, documenting your plan and finding the resources might seem like a daunting task. However, once it is complete, knowing there is a plan can be anxiety relieving in itsself. Putting the plan down in writing will make it easier for a back-up caregiver to tap into the resources sooner thereby preventing a crisis later. The care recipient can rest assured that they will be well cared for should you be incapacitated, and you can sleep better knowing you have a plan in place if needed. Patients-1 Caregivers-1. Now isn’t that a better score?
Deb Toal is a Care Advocate at GolderCare Solutions. She is an RN with Certifications in Geriatrics and in Dementia Assessment Care & Management. Deb loves the fact that at GolderCare, the Solutions truly are Unlimited. You can reach Deb at GolderCare Solutions Unlimited, LLC (309) 764-2273.
