50+ Lifestyles

Better, Perhaps

By David W. Deuth, CFSP
President, Weerts Funeral Home

Many of us will “resolve” to do things differently – better, perhaps – as the new year begins. Eat less. Exercise more. Watch Less television. Read more books. Finally break that longtime habit…The new year becomes a fresh and even compelling impetus to turn the leaf and do things differently. Better, perhaps.

Anyone who has ever so resolved knows well that impetus alone does not attain the goal. Perseverance is required, as are focus, intentionality, soul searching and abundant willpower. And even then, resolution can be elusive.

Many may have heard various versions of the story which describes how natives capture monkeys in places like Africa. After hollowing out a coconut through a small opening on one end, they place peanuts or similar treats inside the hollowed-out coconut. When the monkey reaches for the peanuts inside, he can’t remove his hand because it is clenched holding the peanuts. While he is distracted, the natives pull a string on the other end of the coconut and capture the monkey.

The result is that the monkey ends up being distracted and confused….and although he literally has his goal in his hand, he is captured by the natives because he is unwilling to open his hand and let the peanuts “slip away.” If only the monkey would have let go and unclenched his fist, he might have realized that by simply removing his open hand and tipping the coconut on its side, the peanuts would fall from the coconut freely…not to mention the fact that he wouldn’t’ have been captured! So intent was poor monkey on that which he had convinced himself to be the best resolution that he was unable to focus on something else that could be…well, better, perhaps.

Many will begin this new year in a place of heartache as we learn how to live without someone we love who has died in the recent past. We have endured the holiday season, mixing tears of sorrow with (hopefully) some laughter and some joy, but we’re learning that processing this thing called grief can at times be a rugged and mountainous journey.
And, sometimes, we get distracted when we’re holding to things we shouldn’t.

Living with meaning and purpose in the shadow of a loved one’s death is a good resolution. We honor their memories as we do so…and we honor their lives as well. When we unclench our fist and open our hand it’s not that we’re letting go of them – oh, no, not at all. Rather as the fist becomes unclenched and the hand becomes open, our arms also become free to embrace our meaningful memories of them and hold them closer than ever.

Yes, sometimes holding on makes us strong. But sometimes letting go can, too.

As the leaf is turned with this new year, it’s a good time to begin doing things differently. Better, perhaps.

Hold on to the things that honor their memory. And let go of the things that don’t. So you can always… Remember Well.

David W. Deuth, CFSP, is a funeral director and owns the Weerts Funeral Home in Davenport and RiverBend Cremation and Quad Cities Pet Cremation in Bettendorf. He can be reached at 563.424.7055 or by email at Dave@WeertsFH.com.